Between my shadow and my soul


I feel like an Alzheimer's patient.

I make lists for everything.

I even like to write in bullet points.

Anyways I'm doing Kay's challenge as well as one I set up for myself.

Coolness of My Eyes (1):

My controversial view on marriage can be summed up in one sentence: I don't think it's compulsory on me unless I meet someone worth it. This has led to many heated arguments with many people I love but I am not willing to negotiate on this. In the spirit of having standards, I have decided to come up with criteria. I used to believe that marriage should be the natural accompaniment of the feeling of having a ten year old crush, you just wake up one day and realise without it being too compliacted that this person is someone you don't want to live without. But I never just meandered into that situation, and yet there are opportunities that I need to consider. I think if you reject a marriage proposal you should have clear ideas on what are your reasons for and against this, as you owe it in a way to the other person and yourself to know what your decision is being based upon. The following is a list of things I pray Allah SWT grants me in a partner and if these things are not what He intends, He give me the strength to accept it.

1. Respect: This is not something that should be demanded or even hinted at. From the first moment of our acquanintance I would like him to bestow the rights my Creator has ordained, to know thast women are metaphorically clothed in silk of the highest quality and jewels of the most precious minerals, and should be treated with the utmost humility.

2. Admiration: of what I do, who I am, what I love. This is more than just blind infatuation, it is an acceptance and enthusiasm of the things that I consider essential to my being. It must be that he looks up to his wife’s accomplishments and is proud to support them.

3. My family: they have nurtured me in every way possible, good and bad. I think this is a mutual thing in that I should also respect his family for all they have done to make him what he is.

4. Dignity and integrity in all he does such that every one who knows him admires the character

with which he executes his actions. I don’t care about recommendations based on family status, or wealth, or lineage, or popularity. Just as the Quraysh of makkah would call the Prophet SAW Al Ameen and As Sadiq, I would want those who know him to say that there are qualities about him that have left an impression on them.

5, Passion for himself and all he is and all he does. How can I love someone who does not intensely love himself?

I do not need to add Islam as a category because his Islam will be reflected to me in all the above.

Coolness of my eyes (2)

  1. I want them to have lots of cousins (which alhumz is the case)
  2. I want us to have long huge family brunches on Sundays where the whole morning and half of the afternoon goes in eating and talking
  3. I want them to read the stories of the Sahaba instead of messed up Disney fairytales
  4. I want them to choose their clothing based on colour and texture and personality instead of supposed brand names or fashion
  5. Whether they are adopted or not I will fight for them to have a sense of Be-Long-Ing.
  6. I want them to laugh in the face of all types of fear except that relating to their Creator. I know this will never be the case.

11 shared ideas:

KimyaShafinaaz May 11, 2009 at 2:36 PM  

"How can I love someone who does not intensely love himself?"

Aah Nooj! Sigh...

Actually, after reading this, I want to say Lady Noorjehaan in the likeness of your namesake. And I want to take notes so I can grow up to be like you.

Azra May 11, 2009 at 3:35 PM  

Noojie how did you manage to steal a piece of my mind and display it for all to see?

I'm with you on the marriage issue...

Insecure men are the bane of my existence. Just recently I was telling someone to love himself.

Yep...agree with pretty much all of it :D Stop reading my mind woman :P

Khadija May 11, 2009 at 3:59 PM  

While chatting to a friend the other day, he explained to me what his requirements for a wife were. I foud his list quirky but I realised soon thereafter that what he has is a checklist to measure someone against, I don't. Or, do I?

I thought of one requirement which in hindsight was flighty but the more I thought about it, it dawned on me that my list of requirements is voiced between the Almighty and me.

And indeed the "pens have been lifted", may there be harmony between what is written and what we seek.

AD May 11, 2009 at 5:47 PM  

"How can I love someone who does not intensely love himself?"

I'll second Shafz :)

That Mash Guy May 11, 2009 at 9:06 PM  


Sofi May 11, 2009 at 10:57 PM  

i enjoyed reading this - found it interesting, enlightening in some respects and intriguing.

i dont know why i still dont like making lists. but i believe on a subconsious level, most of us do have a mental checklist.

M Junaid May 12, 2009 at 9:51 PM  

my problem is that i love myself too much :D

Nooj May 12, 2009 at 10:27 PM  

A friend just pointed out to me that we seek in others what is the greatest need in ourselves so I guess a lot of this I have to strive for in myself first. Ta for the encouragement u all :)

Hali May 13, 2009 at 8:14 PM  

Wow great 1, im so pleased with it. marriage shouldnt be just to any guy. has to be with someone ur gona spend the rest of ur life with..everyday, every night same person..emphasising it becoz we acknowledge it but barely think abt that..ur gona be with that person wen they're having the worst day of their life and also the best. u gota be their strength and they gota be urs. its no use if its with sum1 who isn't ur "bud", ur soulmate, but just a "husband" who u cook 4 and clean
proud of ya :)

Zahera May 15, 2009 at 11:32 AM  

Sheesh- need to get onto my love story for you as soon as possible :-P
Im gona go blog this tag (when i get a minute) even though no one has tagged me *looks sheepish* cos im a saddo!

AbdurRahman May 15, 2009 at 12:14 PM  

Hmm Interesting one.... I like the list for the most part, Just the "Intensely loves himself", I tend to be rather modest, I wonder if that comes across as a lack of confidence... Hmmm...