Nooj

Between my shadow and my soul

The Jerkoff Guide

I've always prided myself that most of the "experience" I've had with guys has been on the soccer field and at the shooting range. However every girl has had her encounter with what we politely term the Jerkoff. The dude that slurks (my word) around looking for prey with a bag of painstakingly thought out moves to hook your attention...for the heck of it. Azzy is usually awesome at this sort of thing but I thought I'd give it a go: Nooj presents:

The Jerkoff Guide

*Disclaimer: There are sincere dudes who do these things without slurking intentions.
However be aware that these are a dying species and cannot be relied upon to be bona fide*

He compliments your friends when you've only mentioned them once in passing

He sms's you just when you have forgotten of his existence to say he's been waiting for a hello and couldn't take it any more

He remembers arb weird details of your life to make you think your every word is precious to his heart

He asks you arb weird details of your life tourettes-etly (my word)

You make a dumb joke and he says that was the cheering up he's needed all day and he is the happiest person ever right now.

He sometimes re-uses the same lines because he forgets that he used it on you already and not someone else.

Not a day passes without him finding a way to say how you think like no one else he's ever met.

He finds a reason to bring up how lost and lonely he is in every conversation, which of course leads you to make the dumb joke, which of course makes you his saviour...


8 shared ideas:

Azra May 5, 2009 at 10:59 PM  

I am so proud *tear*

LOL! Great work. Your tag is hilarious too :D

I'm sure if given enough time, you could expand on these.

M Junaid May 5, 2009 at 11:05 PM  

"He sms's you just when you have forgotten of his existence to say he's been waiting for a hello and couldn't take it any more"

thats almost as lame as the jerkoff who inserts a 'mwah' into every conceivable sentence.

Chick : how are you?
Jerkoff : Alhumds. Mwah
Chick : how were your sups?
Jerkoff : I supped finance again mwah
Chick: Third times the charm
Jerkoff: Inshallah Mwah

KiLLa May 5, 2009 at 11:54 PM  

this was lank funny lol..
u made my day lol..
funniest thing i read whole year.. lol


word veri - ingerski

Irfaan May 6, 2009 at 7:28 AM  

there are actually too many cunning techniques that qualify them more wholesomely; but well touched on the idea of making her feel like she's saving you - the superhero-compelling-complex is what, i feel, glues the kingkong & jane theory - where the most delightfully light and charming girls trudge around with something that's only marginally intelligent enough to hurl barrels around

Waseem May 6, 2009 at 8:45 AM  

I thought you said you lost your writingness :P

Good work

Fatima May 6, 2009 at 11:19 AM  

MJ : I hate the "mwah" types. I feel like smashing tomatoes in the faces of people like that! *RAGE*

Lol....

"He sometimes re-uses the same lines because he forgets that he used it on you already and not someone else."Creep who walked passed me in a mall, followed me into a store, used some line on me and after being rejected tried it on my friend. The way we laughed for days and days. I wish I could remember the line. It was so long ago.

Psycho's.

He finds a reason to bring up how lost and lonely he is in every conversation, which of course leads you to make the dumb joke, which of course makes you his saviour...I cannot handle men like that. They need to grow a pair.

Man, today I'm just in a rude obnoxious mood! Lol...This is what happens when stupid twits try and drive me off the road early in the morning....

Azra May 6, 2009 at 11:26 AM  

I like rude and obnoxious Fatima :D

freelance hero May 13, 2009 at 4:57 PM  

if he looks at your 13 yr old cousin/neice n gives her those hungry eyes.