Between my shadow and my soul

Sunday night yum yawn or Creating The Force

Last year August my friend went for a 3 week international camp in Palestine to help build a school. My world revolves a little slower whenever I say this because it was a dream we both shared yet she experienced sensually whereas my dream lives yet in my black fog. Today I realised that a frustrated dream can turn into a real appreciation of whatever fragments you are blessed with. As part of our empowerment project we helped make a prayer and sewing building look better today. Cleaned out rubble, sandpapered walls and did an undercoat of paint. I say the word love as often as pubescents but I love love loved it. There is something about manual work that “educated” careers miss out on. The common sense mixture of sand and cement, the amazing technology of a wheelbarrow, the sinewy feeling of lost arm muscles screeching while scraping and levelling plaster with a spade. I live my life for moments like Leonardo’s phonecall from the hill in Blood Diamond. I don’t know what to call that- metaphysical gratification perhaps?

I have a plan. It’s not great or voluminous and I have absolutely no conviction that it will turn out as I envisage. But that is not the point of a plan for idealists. We make plans to make a stand on what we want and to highlight what gives us meaning. This is related to the idea of synchronicity. Has someone ever said the exact same thing you wanted to and you feel like there’s some kind of connection between the two of you? Your meaning creates the connection which probably could be dismissed as coincidence. Like watching Definitely, Maybe and the book Jane Eyre features so prominently in it when I just started reading it for totally arb reasons. There is no meaning for me there so I did not create a connection.

I’ve removed the sneakers poll because my internal conflict has been mediated. June is the best time for reunions because it jolts you away from the beginning of the year feeling where you have to adjust to different circumstances, and moves you towards actually taking time to miss what the previous years of your life were about. And I wore pointed stilletto boots to the movies partly because I wanted to be a shocker at the reunion and partly because I have overcome an age of rebellion. Adjusting Biko’s phrase, I DO what I like and not because of rebellion or influence. The fantasy character bridal shower poll has also been removed because it was today and I missed it due to wanting to paint. The only entertaining part of Sex and the City for me was fighting the urge to shout Oxy-cute ‘em!! every time they did a close up on Carrie’s face and I saw her chin pimple. I want lots more reunions. I have not kept up my New Years' resoultion of only eating at Halaal places :( :( :( so got to have my pseudo birthday dinner at Ciao Baby Cucina instead of the traditional blegh barf rivet Ocean Basket. The fact that no Halaal places in Pretoria make canneloni is not justification enough and I must have the will to try with more vuma.

Results of polls:
81% Would wear sneakers to a function
18% Would not wear sneakers to a function

Fantasy character bridal shower:
28 %Would go as Viktor Krum
71% Would go as the Mad Hatter

3 shared ideas:

Waseem June 9, 2008 at 8:49 AM  

how weird it is that the polls both culminated at same time.

If its any consolation I think you woulda made an awesome Mad Hatter and maybe an OK Victor Krum :P.

The Organ Harvester June 9, 2008 at 4:36 PM  

Ogre or Teddy Bear? You sound like a voice from my past. Who have you been talking to. get a chat box, cause this comment is gonna be so random.

Prixie June 9, 2008 at 5:19 PM  

thanks for the visit