Between my shadow and my soul

sans butter

i increasingly see marriage as a transaction of...convenience.
to have biological kids, to share the rent
there will be smiles, some care
he'll make fun of how ridiculous u look with ur ski goggles
u'll say his rice comes out like smash
there will be yay kisses and occasional hugs of thanks
but no dancing on rooftops in ur pj's, or titanic eyes
there will always be a part kept to you, for you, only you
with God

41 shared ideas:

ayesha February 9, 2009 at 10:45 PM  

and this...compared to headline of last post?

there has to be movie moments and not-so-movie-moments.

a friend of mine returned from hajj a while back. I asked her," so it must have been an awesome bonding experience with your husband, do u feel closer to him now?"

she said:" I actually realised that except for My Creator, I am truly alone in this world and he is All that we ultimately have."

(i must admit that i paraphrased things even though it is in inverted commas)

Relationship of convenience perhaps, but convenience is just that isn't it.... convenient..

KiLLa February 9, 2009 at 11:24 PM  

Interesting analogy..

Love the tag :D

word evri - sumsheep (hahaha)

Azra February 9, 2009 at 11:25 PM  

I've come to believe that "Love" is actually Death warmed up.

I've so much to say about this: watch out for my next post tomorrow. I'm tired now and have to wake at 5 to go to gym :(

M Junaid February 9, 2009 at 11:26 PM  

i had a long conversation with one of our mutual blogger friends today about marriage, and the expectations that we have from it. I dont see it as a transaction (transaction is a rather fiscal term.. well, given the dealings of mehr these days I can see why) Yes it is convenient, but i think its more than just convenience.

so maybe there wont be dancing in the rooftops, but perhaps there will be some fiddling on the roof (even if you aren't Jewish)

Perhaps there wont be titanic eyes... but maybe there will be. And I believe we should look for the positive and always be optimistic.. even if they are just fucking delusional fairytales :)

There will always be a part that you keep for yourself. Two do not become one. But there is a shared enlightenment as well. or at least I hope there will be.

Wa Min 'Āyātihi 'An Khalaqa Lakum Min 'Anfusikum 'Azwājāan Litaskunū 'Ilayhā Wa Ja`ala Baynakum Mawaddatan Wa Raĥmatan 'Inna Fī Dhālika La'āyātin Liqawmin Yatafakkarūna

If we serve Allah by serving mankind.. are we not loving Allah by Loving our spouses?

KiLLa February 9, 2009 at 11:30 PM  

Transaction.. Hmmm..
That sounds like something you would do at a bank or with your broker..

Wats with all the wedding posts of late.. Or is it, i just attract these posts..

word veri - exporaw

M Junaid February 9, 2009 at 11:38 PM  

a kruger coin is like one of those wrist bands they give you at ratanga junction - if you have one you can go on the rides as many times as you want :D

my word verification is suffringda :D

Azra February 9, 2009 at 11:44 PM  

I think you're very idealistic're in love with the idea of being in love perhaps?

I see marriage as a transaction. It's like, you make the food, and he takes you to doctor when you're sick.

Love has nothing ot do with it. Its all about what people can get from each other.

M Junaid February 9, 2009 at 11:45 PM  

hey there delilah

KiLLa February 9, 2009 at 11:46 PM  

What's it like in New York City

M Junaid February 9, 2009 at 11:49 PM  

im a thousand miles away

KiLLa February 9, 2009 at 11:51 PM  

But girl, tonight you look so pretty

Azra February 9, 2009 at 11:51 PM  

but girl tonight you look so pretty (even though Im no lesbo) lol

M Junaid February 9, 2009 at 11:51 PM  

azra - i am an idealist, and a hopeless romantic.. and a very good popcorn salter may i add :D

the word veri is bulter

KiLLa February 9, 2009 at 11:52 PM  

Times Square can't shine as bright as you

Azra February 9, 2009 at 11:53 PM  

aww geez, MJ, did you have to mess with me? lmao. THE DONUTS!!! How could you forget

Skip to the chorus...

OOOOhhh its what you do to me....

M Junaid February 9, 2009 at 11:56 PM  

you know its true

KiLLa February 9, 2009 at 11:56 PM  

What Azra said x 4 = chorus

Azra February 9, 2009 at 11:56 PM  

My favourite lines are:

A thousand miles seems pretty far,
but we've got planes and trains and cars,
I'd walk to you if I had no other way,
Our friends would all make fun of us and we'd just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way...

Delilah I can promise you that by the time that we get through the world would never ever be the same...and you're to blame :D

Azra February 9, 2009 at 11:58 PM  

Its actually "But THEY'VE got planes and trains and cars"

M Junaid February 9, 2009 at 11:58 PM  

18 comments in the space of an hour. what a popular post you wrote ms Joosub

KiLLa February 10, 2009 at 12:00 AM  

Do u know i've never ever heard this song.. The whole thing.. Im on some lyric page, copying and pasting..

Bring bollywood back..

Its my heritage..

M Junaid February 10, 2009 at 12:00 AM  

suraj hua madham

KiLLa February 10, 2009 at 12:02 AM  

Chaand jalne lagaa

M Junaid February 10, 2009 at 12:04 AM  

aasma hey hai :D

Azra February 10, 2009 at 12:15 AM  

f@#$ that sh1t. Bring on the REAL music please.

Noorjehaan...did I tell you Ryan Air has tickets from Dublim to Edinburgh for 10 Pounds NO TAXES!!! I'm ecstatic!

Azra February 10, 2009 at 12:16 AM  

I meant Dublin, as in Ireland :)

Nooj February 10, 2009 at 12:17 AM  

now that's worth getting all steamed up about
jetsetting dreams azzy :)

Anonymous February 10, 2009 at 4:43 AM  

It's the mundane everyday things that show me love. It holds more for me than the dancing on the rooftops and the titanic eyes. I believe one can have that with anyone. It's living day in and day out with the same person and being able to manage that, that's so much harder. If you get though that, then you know thats real love.

Azra- Can you forget Europe. Come to Asia. I'll be in singers from the 27th of March. We could do singapore, malaysia and phuket together. Oh and the rest of you should come too :)

Work in Progress February 10, 2009 at 8:30 AM  

I'm with u on this one. At some point, it does become a question of convenience to an extent. When you marry, u look at what the other person brings to the table. If it's just his dirty laundry, then I'm not so sure its a worthwhile investment. People who convince themselves that it's all about rainbows and butterflies are seriously deluded...

Edge Of Where February 10, 2009 at 8:45 AM  

Dont be so cynical people... love exists, our notion of it is just different to the reality

Nooj February 10, 2009 at 8:48 AM  

exactly emmy and wip. what i'm referring to here is not my own hypothesized, very-unlikey, future marriage but the marriages i see around me currently. and i think we need to be realistic about what we want from marriage and what we will actually get. based on the evidence of the real marriages around me, realism is in order. so yeas aysh while i will be idealist about every other aspect of my life, this doesnt qualify

Dreamlife February 10, 2009 at 9:58 AM  

funny u should end with the bit about a part of you that you do not give to them...the thought was just brought to my mind the other day, reading something that was written by my wife years before we met. and it's true, because we cannot share EVERYTHING with the ones we love - no matter what the relationship. there's always one relationship that's superior, and that's our relationship with God.

regarding your disillusion about marriage, i guess everyone's marriages are different. i remember a discussion a few years back where we - all unmarried at the time - agreed that whatever we thought marriage would be, and whatever we planned and hoped for ours, it would all be in theory - because until we got married, we would never know how marriage really is; we could only hypothesize.

everything starts with intention. i truly believe that if you have the right intention for wanting to get married, Allah will grant you a marriage that fulfills those ambitions; or at least brings you closer to your dreams as the months and years pass in marriage.

i can say this now from personal experience, because that's what has happened and is happening to me.

keep your dreams. no matter how silly they may seem - they can happen. (and maybe not as you imagined it - but in a different form, if u get what i mean....the fulfillment can happen - just in different ways to what u imagined).

don't ever let 'reality' discourage you from thinking all things are possible. Allah can and does grant us our dreams - but we just need to make dua and be patient.

Azra February 10, 2009 at 1:24 PM  

Aaaww Emmy, why didn't you tell me earlier? I would have definitely come :) Now all my leave is booked for June :P

EOW - There you go being all idealistic again :)

Love has become another transaction in our commercial lives. It really has become what we can do for each other, and not what we're willing to give up. I think the foundation is now built on security and like everyone else said, convenience. It's become more like "Ok, what shit am I willing to tolerate" than "I'd die for you"

Anonymous February 12, 2009 at 12:10 PM  

gruff gruff!

Saaleha Bamjee-Mayet February 12, 2009 at 12:37 PM

That is for me, everything I know to be true about marriage.

Pocket book philosophy ftw:)

Zahera February 12, 2009 at 1:18 PM  

Blumming heck! You bunch of sad whiney pessimistic dollops! :-P you all need a dose of some sufi lovedust i think!
You all just need to fall in love and believe that it can be even better than you expected (and heres the key to it all: dont have expectations cos then everything just seems so wonderful and special) :-D

Love/marriage is not a transaction at all. Its something that makes you whole, something that completes you (without implying that one is "incomplete" so to speak when single), something that makes your world spin! :-D and it only gets better. Honestly, its the small beautiful things that your spouse will do that will strengthen and deepen the love between you- and NOTHING strengthens and deepens that love than loving solely for the sake of Allah and fulfilling each others rights. A marriage where a husband and wife fulfill each others rights is one filled with happiness, contentment, love, barakah and so much more!

Oh.. and having a baby makes it a million times better! This is a blessing from Allah Ta'ala- something you both share and something that is a part of both of you.

Nooj February 12, 2009 at 1:42 PM  

dreamlife- it's important for me now to think about what i'm keeping for myself. it's unfair for me to believe that another person can make me happy if i'm not happy in the first place. sort of thing. but def getting married for the right intentions does seem to be correlated with more contentment and happiness among my friends. (urgh dissertation lingo!)

lol@seher. its ok we still accepting and giving v day gifts :)

saaleha- :) there has to be something before there is everything hmmm

zesty- i want summa that progesterone! lol jj masha allah so proud of u and hubby. we'd all better have our rainbow and butterfly shades on for abdullah's blog meet i reckon :)

Zahera February 12, 2009 at 1:53 PM  

LOL! i think thats a wise idea :-P inshaAllah shall organise some sort of meet once we are all out and about again (by us i mean Abdullah and myself) :-P lol!

freelance hero February 12, 2009 at 10:14 PM  

ofcos it is a transaction. thats the entire point.

Anonymous February 13, 2009 at 11:44 PM  

i think my bitchiness will unleash tomorrow... starting 1:00 p.m.
no gifts will be given folks, but a lot will be expected so keep em coming ;)

Prixie February 18, 2009 at 1:46 PM  

oh brilliant!