Love is Like Cholera

For me, like always stayed like. It meant covert glances and hyperactive stomach prixies, and that was it. In school, there were close calls, when a guy I liked talking to started phoning or smsing but my elder sisters were always on it and I didn't mind, what was the point anyways? At uni I was too busy deciding what I wanted and trying to save the world one poster and exec meeting at a time. I was comfortable with going out with friends but wouldn't spend hours chilling in coffee shops getting to know people. Not that any of this matters according to Taqdeer. But I have been accused of not helping taqdeer out. By people who have obviously never met her. She's the one that made the word bitch a compliment, a sassy Sister to be reckoned with and envied and never lets you down. I don't mind all of this. What I do mind is when i do move a toe's measure towards feeding the pixies, I end up regretting it for ages afterwards. At the end of it all, I feel like I've just retched out my intestines in a toilet bowl and am too exhausted to fight or care any more. Maybe there's something amiss in my personality or God didn't feel like setting my browser on default but never in the history of Nooj has she been attracted to and understood by the same dude. I've accepted it. I like being the Other Joosub girl that didn't marry young and have (alhumdulillah) amazingly gorgeous kids. The only one that "studied" (spit quickly so this doesn't befall your daughter). And I'd rather enjoy the potheadedness of weed if I fancy pixies in my stomach. Those who are close to me and love me, say no, Allah has a zawjah (pair) for everyone. I interpret that verse of the Qur'an as he created man and woman in general as pairs, Marriage is not destined for everyone despite its revered significance as a social institution. They cannot imagine me happy without the fairytales of the other half. I side with Foucalt on this one. The other half is just the parts of me I still have to discover.