Between my shadow and my soul

And love, my dear, is ordained between you

Her bible sang volumes of frilly white dresses and coy flitting eyelashes. She looks down now, as she clutches her bag of potatoes close to her chest, smells of the earth and plastic mingle in her overworked limbic system, making her feel afraid and uncertain in the grocery store's all too familiar surroundings. Fear was in her quran too, of uncooked rice and fish that didn't have the tangy spice of his mother's deft fingers. Of what she had to be now, here, at home, in bed, talk to me about your fantasies he whispered over and over and over in that first week when he could do no wrong, he paid for that with two month's salary for the lush honeymoon in an island off the Malaysian coast. Her taurah told her to keep him happy, her body belonged to him and no other now. How thrilled she was when she packed her first bag, only with her things, things meant to please him, thousands of rands of her inheritance easily glutted on seaming her up, on the thinnest eyeliners and lipsticks meant to bring the blush of an English rose to her complexion. No, it was fear that thudded in her heart, like the back of a fist on her perfectly aligned jaw, violence was so satisfying in and of itself, but the fear would not rest. If he can pulverize and affectionately move his tongue over the very same skin, this paradox was then not contradictory at all. If he could buy her a new wedding ring, intricately designed to the tiniest inflection, could he also not leave this marriage for something simpler, less demanding, less mundane. She could kill herself, or the far more attractive option, die, trying to keep him happy. This was the only way to attain Heaven.

10 shared ideas:

Zahera March 1, 2010 at 10:10 PM  

Blimey!! bit deep these days arent we :-P deeper than usual i mean.

Tis gorgeous.

desert demons March 1, 2010 at 10:40 PM  

Talk about women's struggles ... chilling to consider !

That Mash Guy March 1, 2010 at 10:41 PM  


Waseem March 3, 2010 at 8:23 AM  

This post made me :(

Nooj March 9, 2010 at 12:31 PM  

Zesty must be ur presence around here that does that :P Is it? I felt it was too ugly to post, because of all the yucky themes it brings up but I felt too passionate about it not to

DD: yeah classic Steve Biko- we oppress ourselves at the end of the day

TMC: Like ur spin on international women's day more. It's more optimistic :)

Was- Sigh. Men like you defeat the norm tho :)

Zahera March 10, 2010 at 6:11 PM  

Nooj- have you ever read a book by Ian McEwan called On Chesil Beach?? Your post echos his book! :-) its fantastic.

Nooj March 10, 2010 at 10:55 PM  

Atonement dude? I haven't but will look out for it. Where's my love post hmmm :P

ZH March 11, 2010 at 12:06 PM  

...the only way to attain heaven...damn man.Oppression is not a part of any religious ethos.
Overt or subtle oppression.Express or implied.

Nooj March 13, 2010 at 11:44 PM  

ZH religion is sometimes just an ideology we want to believe

Zahera March 18, 2010 at 10:19 PM  

No my darling, the book is called "On Chesil beach." lol- although Atonement is supposed to be good too- never read it. I only read Enduring love for english lit and by the end of it.. i wanted to kill McEwan.

Religion is sometimes an ideology that we HAVE to believe :-P