Between my shadow and my soul


It just hit me, heart-hammeringly an hour ago. I won't see my best friend soon. My dissertation supervisor told me so, in her gentle yet firm way. I am an adult. I should have known. Somehow, we always seem to have dreams that she is fulfilling. I don't mind that. I mind that I'm not sharing everything happening here with her. When we share things, they become phenomenal. Most of my successes, the one's I'm really proud of, were a result of our shared efforts.

I was supposed to write her a letter before 17th December. I couldn't, It would have made both of us cry and it was a happy occassion, living dreams.

Having a best friend means:

someone saying what you were going to before you do

someone stopping you from doing something before you do it, and then laughing at you for not listening to them afterward

having someone your mum trusts you with almost as much as herself

having someone make you things to eat when you're hungry and you realising only once you see it that that was exactly what you wanted to eat

having someone to paint ceilings with

haing someone to phone or sms or mxit or g talk or misscall or pitch up at their house at any time, to talk about anything and never be stupid

having someone to talk through the night with, even of they fall asleep some times and catch up on the conversation a little later

having someone to know when you REALLY mean something and trust you do, even if its just words

having someone who your family wishes was a husband because she makes you so happy and your phonebills so crazy and your time at home so sporadic

having someone who will forgive you for anything, even if she says i told you so a trillion times afterwards

having someone that you dont give a damn how many times she says i told you so, coz it's one of the things you love about her

having someone who teaches you that Love takes time and once it comes does never ever ever leave even through the most extreme forms of separation

having someone with whom it hurts to send sms's to when all you want is to see just a glimpse of their eyes so you know they're ok

having someone you can ask to keep a burden, like walking out of a 3 hour year exam after 15 minutes and three lines of essay, for a little while so you can go and write your next exam

having someone you NEVER get tired of spending time with (this really is something very very important)

having someone who's silences you have to read carefully and slowly

having someone who has been part of all the parts of yourself that you're really proud of

having someone who you know is going to come back

having Someone

* Disclaimer: This is very subjective and is based on one case study, the one that matters most

** Another disclaimer: It sounds like I'm incredibly dependent on her. I am, I admit it. This should probably change, I'll think about it.

5 shared ideas:

Anonymous January 24, 2009 at 5:18 AM  

to me, this is what friendship is. I try and surround myself with people that I feel this way about. And the most important one is also called Maryam and she is wonderful.My life would be so much less without her.

Anonymous January 25, 2009 at 6:41 AM  

and i lost one best friend who has all that which was required to be in a best friend. i dont thin ki will make any other bfs again. i am just too shattered to be down that aisle again, esp the aisle of tru friendship!

you are dependant, just the way i was noor and now i envy u :)
bless you both!

Azra January 26, 2009 at 12:05 PM  

To me friendship is unconditional love and a real appreciation of the others existence.

Sadly, I lost my best friend a few months ago. Life had simply taken us int wo different directions and even though we still say hi on email every now and then, it will never be the same again. And thats whats so sad about it.

I think in life, we all just want someone who "gets" us. But the sad reality is that people will come and go in your life, its part of growing as a human being. And each person is there for a reason, and when the time is up...its time to move on. And such is life.

Hopefully, you'll find that someone again...soon :)

Word Veri-8-Ball : Persist (How weird is that?)

Waseem January 26, 2009 at 2:10 PM  

Wow this is the best post ever, even if i wasnt coerced into this comment by being called a meanie.

Word veri - supdr, just like this post

UJ January 27, 2009 at 12:10 AM  


You should go visit her you know, preferably sometime before you go insane. And no, the dependance isn't necessarily a bad thing; it's just a thing. The perception of it as good or bad is entirely dependent on the subjective framework through which we perceive things.

The mutual co-dependance that you guys share, is a source of strength for both of you; and pillars of strength should never be casually discarded.

Btw, i think it's only when the person in your life who means the most to you, is gone; is out of touch and out of sight that you fully appreciate the magnitude of that individuals impact on your life

Word: Roped .. possibly roping a dope?!